The Strength to Be Human
Vulnerability, Accountability, and Resilient Leadership
Note: This post is part of my late 2026 Leadership from Within Rhythm series:
Relational Rhythms
Leadership Strength Isn’t Independence - It’s Skillful Connection
How Attachment Theory Shapes Your Leadership and Team Culture
Spiritual Rhythms
My third action guide: Emotional Rhythms is available here.
Leaders and Emotional Vulnerabilities
Leaders in businesses, churches, and non-profit organizations all face the same basic tension. They’re expected to carry responsibility for others while managing their own private struggles, often with fewer people they can trust. As leaders rise, they may gain authority but lose safe places to speak honestly.
A senior leader once invited me into his office and revealed to me a stress-induced medical condition he was facing. We discussed fundamental changes he needed to make and prayed together. I am grateful my position allowed him to trust me with some of his pain and concern.
Some leaders seem larger than life, untouched by the struggles everyone else faces. When that carefully curated image collapses through failure, betrayal, or toxic leadership, the damage reaches far beyond the leader to family, staff, and followers.
Given these unique pressures and the isolation that leaders face, how can they maintain their humanity without compromising their effectiveness? The answer lies in the strategic power of vulnerability. Leaders who flourish understand the danger of always appearing emotionally solid and never revealing their weaknesses. They embrace the strength of vulnerability and humility in their leadership.
Important Caveat
Vulnerability doesn’t excuse abuse, dishonesty, addiction-related misconduct, or other behavior that places people at risk. A leader may need help with temptation, but acting destructively can disqualify that person from leadership, at least for a season. Appropriate vulnerability includes accountability: it never replaces it.
Embracing and Displaying Vulnerability is a Critical Strength
In November 2009, our young family arrived at Marine Corps Air Station in Yuma, Arizona, where I would assume my first assignment as an active-duty Navy chaplain. During our second year in Yuma, my brother called me one evening to tell me my mom had suffered a massive stroke and had been rushed to the hospital. One of my duties at the air station was to provide religious ministry in the installation chapel.
The following Sunday, I tried to act as though nothing had happened. I stumbled through the service and delivered a distracted sermon. The next week, I acknowledged my mother’s stroke and admitted that I had not handled the previous service well. People responded with compassion and, more importantly, now knew how to pray with me.
Psychologist Dan Allender wrote a book titled Leading with a Limp. Allender reminds his readers to acknowledge and address their weaknesses openly, both within themselves and within their organizations. While leaders can’t share every weakness with everyone, they need to be vulnerable and ensure no one perceives them as above the struggles of “ordinary” people.
The most inspiring leaders I have worked with and for are those who shared their weaknesses and vulnerabilities appropriately, along with the hard work they put into overcoming them.
Leaders who accept their shortcomings are often more confident because embarrassment no longer controls what they reveal. Like everyone else, they have strengths, weaknesses, and parts of their lives they’d rather keep quiet.
Leadership with a Limp
Several months ago, I interviewed Jim, a retired senior Marine officer. He showed me how vulnerability can work even in a culture built around strengths. He had experienced the military’s expectations firsthand. This experience made his story especially valuable.
The interview centered around this question, “Can you recall a moment in your leadership journey when showing vulnerability strengthened your team’s trust in you?”
Jim recounted his second tour overseas. He had been successful in his career and promoted through the ranks. One of his children was born with special needs, and he and his wife were struggling with the demands of this child. They lived on the other side of the world, and no one visited. He recalled that his wife was barely surviving. He knew he needed to have a difficult conversation with his supervisor.
Jim expected the conversation to end his career. Instead, his supervisor asked him to arrive at 11:00 each morning for two weeks so he could help his wife and children before reporting for duty.
That small accommodation gave his family room to recover without forcing him to abandon his responsibilities. Jim continued serving, led senior planning teams, deployed again, and retired after thirty years of service.
My friend learned to lead with a limp. He acknowledged the grief and pain of loving a child with special needs. He didn’t attempt to minimize the difficulties of his life. He knew he could not live out his calling as a Marine and deny the pain that was part of his family.
Revealing his weakness created an opportunity to reset some family dynamics and ensured he kept his priorities where they needed to be. He understood what Peter Scazzero wrote in Emotionally Healthy Spirituality, “When we deny our pain, losses, and feelings year after year, we become less human. We transform slowly into empty shells with smiley faces painted on them.”
Fearing Emotions
Emotions are scary. Sometimes we don’t trust them. We don’t want to make “emotional decisions.” We often ask, “How are you?” when we pass someone in the hall at work or when speaking with someone in a personal conversation. The reply is frequently “fine.”
In my professional and personal worlds, I often know there is more behind the “fine” that I need to pick up on. When I sense more behind the answer of “fine,” I often follow up with a second question: “How are you, really?” When asked this second question, people often say more about what is going on in their life.
Many leaders are caught between two unhealthy messages. One says that every feeling should be followed; the other says that feelings should be ignored or distrusted. Neither approach teaches leaders how to acknowledge emotions, evaluate them wisely, and express them responsibly.
Feelings matter, but they aren’t enough to guide every decision. A leader may feel angry, discouraged, or restless without allowing that emotion to determine how they treat others or what they do next.
Appropriate Vulnerability
Not all vulnerability is created equal. While emotional transparency has become a hallmark of authentic leadership, assuming that we should share everything with everyone in every circumstance is both naive and potentially harmful. Effective vulnerability requires discernment across three dimensions: relationship, context, and content.
The relational dimension asks us to match our level of disclosure with the depth of trust we've established. Your inner circle—those proven confidants who honor your struggles with discretion and offer support—can help you navigate your deepest challenges. Professional relationships and casual connections often require more measured sharing of personal information.
Wise vulnerability means being strategic and authentic, sharing enough to maintain genuine connections while protecting both yourself and those you lead from unnecessary burden or risk.
Leaders need a place to share their struggles openly and honestly. Writer and speaker Ariana Molloy speaks about having a personal board of directors, including three to five people with integrity, maturity, and enough independence to tell you the truth.
Choose people who have faced hardship, aren’t intimidated by strong emotions, and have no financial or professional interest in controlling your decisions. Depending on the situation, that group may include a spouse, therapist, spiritual director, coach, or trusted peer.
Reflections
During a difficult season, someone close to me experienced a mental health crisis. I felt powerless and struggled with empathy, hope, and prayer. Although I was a seasoned chaplain familiar with soul care, I recognized that my frustration could become bitterness if I didn’t seek help.
I don’t readily share my pain with others. Still, I made an appointment with a senior chaplain in the area. He offered me the pastoral response I needed and revealed that he had been through similar pain with a loved one.
His experience enabled him to listen with unique empathy. He understood my heartache and commiserated over my frustration with the lack of compassion in my work environment. He entered my pain, and his pastoral care was a balm for my soul.
I received the care I needed because I chose not to take my frustration out on my workplace and sought help from someone with a unique ability to stay with me in my pain.
This exploration of vulnerability in leadership reveals a paradoxical truth: strength often emerges from acknowledging our weaknesses. Leaders who embrace their humanity create deeper connections and more resilient organizations.
Considerations for you
Each of us needs to understand the value of vulnerability in our lives and its place in our various roles. Consider these four questions as you apply the principles of vulnerability in your own context:
What are the potential risks and benefits of leaders sharing their vulnerabilities with their team? How can leaders determine the appropriate balance?
In what ways might different organizational cultures (military, religious, non-profit, corporate) affect how vulnerability in leadership is perceived and received?
What role does trust play in a leader’s ability to show vulnerability, and how can leaders build the confidence to be appropriately vulnerable?
How might organizations need to change their cultures to support leaders who choose to embrace appropriate vulnerability?
I’d love to read some of your responses to these questions. Send me a comment below.
The spiritual part of our personhood says much about our wholeness as people and leaders. I’d value an opportunity to share my vision for spiritual direction in the Body of Christ. You can read more about spiritual direction and schedule a discernment call elsewhere on my website.
I prayerfully await our call.
